Aug 1990
My son was born, it is said god is present in newborn, that's true . Never i had been more careful then at that moment, when I picked him,never did my wife looked more beautiful then at that moment, and never did the hatred in her eyes. My mother's death has changed my father and my son birth mine. Never I remember to had buy something from the market for the home, never before i had gifted something to my wife.I took leave from my company , faternal leave , and later quiet the job when they didn't extened my leave .My wife was little apprehensive regarding the change in me , as I had when my father changed .She was afraid of me , as i m fattening the sheep before slaughtered. I started to do houshold chores , make her to rest whole day.I took her to multiplex for the first time . but whatever i do , there was a invisible barrier between us from her side
Humans are odd. when u r wrong but not ask for forgiveness, others are impotent in front of u, but if the same person accepts his or her mistakes,then we seek pleasure in not forgiving him, letting him burn in his fire of guilt. Humans are like rubber , they stretch ..stretch ..strecth .untill reached there elastic point , from where they can't reach back to their original state , and some reaching their breaking point , breaks.My mother was at the breaking point of her life, for her life was a burden,carrying it as if asking god for forgiveness of her previous life's sins. My wife ,was at the elastic point. wheter wheter on left of it ,or right ,i didn't know. i prayed for the second time , first time when my child was born , to forgive me ,to restore my family , to heal my wife's heart.
But god is mysterious person , odd like man . He also not punishes you till you are doing wrong ,but when u want to be good , u want to live a sincere life , u want to be his follower , he puts obstacles , he test , he punishes .When you ask his forgiveness , he makes u to walk miles . Why didn't he open his gates , why didn't he accept you in first place.
April 1992
It seemed to me,that god has absolved me .My wife was laughing again,started to go out. Human never knows what interest does the god calculates over your sins. I had paid my principal ,but interest was still remaning.
I came to know about my wife's affair , the whole rosy picture of world which has been conjured in my mind was shattered. Again the devil inside me started lurking outside. I took the gun from my drawer , went to my wife's room .My son was there , I sent him to play outside .
I asked my wife about his affair, the glow of her cheeks faded away, and in place of it redness came , the bood redness....
The revolt , the complaning , her opposition to my oppresion which i had always wanted , has came now , when I didn't want it. She yelled about my atrocities ,she cried about her pains , her broken dreams , her hate for me , murder of her soul.
She told me that she meet her lover in hospital , when my kid was in her womb. This is god's justice , the time when I changed ,he changed everything, a doctor , the doctor , the same doctor who give life to me (my kid) from one hand, taken it back from other.
I now came to know that even when I am not able to forgive my father , after so many years , and all he had done to restore my life ,how can I be acquitted so early .
.June 1992
I had given divorce to my wife , because only it can put her on the left side of elastic point . Also my son is her son now , though she wanted me to keep him , I doesn't wanted him to be devoid of mother's love and care , which I never had . I meet the doctor , he 's a nice and caring man.
.Tomorrow i will go to my father , to forgive him .....to free him from debts.....
My son was born, it is said god is present in newborn, that's true . Never i had been more careful then at that moment, when I picked him,never did my wife looked more beautiful then at that moment, and never did the hatred in her eyes. My mother's death has changed my father and my son birth mine. Never I remember to had buy something from the market for the home, never before i had gifted something to my wife.I took leave from my company , faternal leave , and later quiet the job when they didn't extened my leave .My wife was little apprehensive regarding the change in me , as I had when my father changed .She was afraid of me , as i m fattening the sheep before slaughtered. I started to do houshold chores , make her to rest whole day.I took her to multiplex for the first time . but whatever i do , there was a invisible barrier between us from her side
Humans are odd. when u r wrong but not ask for forgiveness, others are impotent in front of u, but if the same person accepts his or her mistakes,then we seek pleasure in not forgiving him, letting him burn in his fire of guilt. Humans are like rubber , they stretch ..stretch ..strecth .untill reached there elastic point , from where they can't reach back to their original state , and some reaching their breaking point , breaks.My mother was at the breaking point of her life, for her life was a burden,carrying it as if asking god for forgiveness of her previous life's sins. My wife ,was at the elastic point. wheter wheter on left of it ,or right ,i didn't know. i prayed for the second time , first time when my child was born , to forgive me ,to restore my family , to heal my wife's heart.
But god is mysterious person , odd like man . He also not punishes you till you are doing wrong ,but when u want to be good , u want to live a sincere life , u want to be his follower , he puts obstacles , he test , he punishes .When you ask his forgiveness , he makes u to walk miles . Why didn't he open his gates , why didn't he accept you in first place.
April 1992
It seemed to me,that god has absolved me .My wife was laughing again,started to go out. Human never knows what interest does the god calculates over your sins. I had paid my principal ,but interest was still remaning.
I came to know about my wife's affair , the whole rosy picture of world which has been conjured in my mind was shattered. Again the devil inside me started lurking outside. I took the gun from my drawer , went to my wife's room .My son was there , I sent him to play outside .
I asked my wife about his affair, the glow of her cheeks faded away, and in place of it redness came , the bood redness....
The revolt , the complaning , her opposition to my oppresion which i had always wanted , has came now , when I didn't want it. She yelled about my atrocities ,she cried about her pains , her broken dreams , her hate for me , murder of her soul.
She told me that she meet her lover in hospital , when my kid was in her womb. This is god's justice , the time when I changed ,he changed everything, a doctor , the doctor , the same doctor who give life to me (my kid) from one hand, taken it back from other.
I now came to know that even when I am not able to forgive my father , after so many years , and all he had done to restore my life ,how can I be acquitted so early .
.June 1992
I had given divorce to my wife , because only it can put her on the left side of elastic point . Also my son is her son now , though she wanted me to keep him , I doesn't wanted him to be devoid of mother's love and care , which I never had . I meet the doctor , he 's a nice and caring man.
.Tomorrow i will go to my father , to forgive him .....to free him from debts.....
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